


Hannibambi

by dallonmonths



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dallonmonths/pseuds/dallonmonths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winston is up to his old games again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hannibambi

**Author's Note:**

> so um im not like hugely into the NBC Hannibal fandom (ive only seen the first few episodes) but i actually wrote this for an english assignment and decided to share it with the world enjoy

In the middle of the night, Will Graham lay in bed, tossing and turning in spite of a nightmare. He awoke suddenly to find himself aggressively sweating. He laid down some towels on his bed and went back to sleep. He awoke again at about 6:30 to find himself laying on his roof.

He was surrounded by his wolf pack. They had dragged him onto his roof. These dogs were WiLd & CrAZy.

“Why did you do the thing dogs?” Will asked. The dogs panted in response.

“You guys need to stop YOLOing. You are too young, wild, and free,” Will said. This was true. They were very free. They were a pack of sort-of-feral dogs--but not Winston. Winston was not feral in the slightest, and considered himself to be the swaggiest dog in the world. But in reality he was more like one of those “cool dads” that use Instagram and try to be “hip” and “not lame” and like to say things like, “Hello fellow cool children, I am a cool child as well. You could almost say that I’m frozen to the touch. If you want a hug from me you better put your mittens on!”

Really, if Winston were a human he would wear a lot of cable knit sweaters and drink a lot of hot tea and always gripe about the weather, but still insist on gardening every day. He would also probably listen to smooth jazz and NPR.

So yeah, all in all, this wolf pack was way too crazy. There are like eleven dogs in this pack why does Will Graham own eleven dogs how does he even feed them all.

“Will Graham where are you?!” A faintly foreign accent yells from below.

“Hello, Hannibal.” Will yells down.

“Will why are you up there you’re too unstable this isn’t okay.”

“I DON’T CARE IT IS SUSAGE TO ME.”

“Why are you saying susage like that?” Hannibal asked.

“Because that’s how you say it. Susage.” Hannibal looked around awkwardly. _Why must I be so wonderfully Dutch?_ Hannibal asks himself.

“Oh. Well Black Jack and I are inviting you to eat dinner at my place tonight,” Hannibal offers.

Winston barks at Will. This roughly translates to: “Do not do the thing Will he fed us human susage. It was delicious but horrifying.”

Will agrees to go to dinner. Hannibal smiles to himself at the thought of having an old friend for dinner.

“Oh, and Will, before I go—you have too many dogs for an unstable man.”

“Oh my god, shut up Hannibal, I can have as many dogs as I want, this is my design.”

Hannibal leaves. Will backflips off his roof and walks inside to eat breakfast. The dogs backflip off the roof as well. They are very talented for a pack of sort-of-feral dogs.

After breakfast Will showers. Will always sings in the shower. “…AND THE SHUFFELING MAN DUN DUN DUN!” He sings. Then he breaks out into an awesome flute solo. He always keeps a spare flute in his shower.

After he is fully ready for his day he leaves to go teach his class on criminology at the college. Soon, his work day is over and he can go to dinner at Hannibal’s with Black Jack.

He arrives at Hannibal’s house. Jack and Hannibal greet him at the door and Will and Jack go sit at the dinner table.

“If you will excuse me I must go prepare the lobster. I’m running a bit behind,” Hannibal says. He goes to the kitchen and drops the crustaceans into the boiling water. They immediately start making a high pitched screaming sound.

“Hannibal, I don’t like that sound can’t you put them out of their misery?”

Suddenly, Hannibal jumps up on the counter and screams, “I DO NOT CONTROL THE SPEED AT WHICH LOBSTERS DIE!” _Lord, grant me the strength to not turn everyone in the room into tacos_ , Hannibal thought.

“Omg you watch Drake & Josh too?” Jack asks.

Hannibal serves everyone their food and seats himself.

“Bon appetite,” Hannibal says.

“Um, excuse my French, but I think the correct pronunciation is ‘Bon qui qui’ I should know I am a scientist on the French things,” Will says.

“Uh, Will, I think--” Jack starts, but is interrupted by Will.

“Oh no, no. No need to compliment me on my vast intellect.” Hannibal and Jack exchange glances.

“Will, honey,” Hannibal tenderly rests his hand on Will’s arm. “I think—oh, wow, your arm is really…tender…”

“Hah, thanks Hannibal, yeah, I’ve been working out, you know working the deltoids of compassion, the abs of being kind.”

Hannibal changes the topic. “You know, when I was born my parents were considering naming me Hegetarian. I’m glad they didn’t though, it would greatly affect my dieting choices.

“Well it’s a good thing you aren’t a cannibal,” Jack says. Wow, really Jack? How are you not picking up on this he literally just told you he was a cannibal.

Will starts getting jumpy. “My dog senses are tingling there is a stray dog in the area I need to go rescue it.”

“Will, you’re unstable, I think you should leave,” Hannibal says in the kindest way possible.

“FINE. I’ll hang out with my dogs in the woods! You guys are so mean I bet you eat puppies’ hearts for breakfast! Well guess what? I ate cereal!” Will storms out, slamming the door behind him. He stomps to his car, tears streaming down his face, and drives home.

When Will gets home, he takes all his dogs for a walk in the woods. They are very rowdy at this time of night. Suddenly, everyone hears a twig snap. They all look in the general direction of the sound and see a creature.

“OH MY GOD THAT IS LIKE THE UGLIEST DEER I HAVE EVER SEEN, DOGS ATTACK IT!” Will commands. This was quite literally, the ugliest deer Will had ever seen. It is the ugliest deer he will ever see. It had a head like Bambi, with a skinny black body, all shriveled up and lanky. It reminded Will of Hannibal for some reason.

Will’s dogs jumped on it, ripping it to pieces. Tragically beautiful. Like poetry in motion. This moment was so beautiful, Will could probably Instagram it and it would get on the popular page from so many hipsters liking it. This moment was so hipster, he could practically hear Lana Del Ray singing in the distance. He was starting to hallucinate from the stench of bloodshed and how hipster this moment was.

He was seeing wolves and triangles and galaxies flash before his eyes and before he knew it, he was passed out. When he awoke, he was wearing studded high-waisted shorts, boots, and a cardigan with a Guns N Roses shirt underneath. He doesn’t even listen to Guns N Roses.

Winston could not handle these sudden fashion choices. He was getting angrier and angrier by the second. _WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO US LISTENING TO SMOOTH JAZZ TOGETHER?_ He thought. Suddenly, he lashed out on Will, jaws aiming straight for the jugular. Sadly, Will’s life ended.

Winston will definitely be serving time in prison. You should never hurt a pregnant man. 

THE END


End file.
